“Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father? ” John 14:9

Philip the Evangelist?

I was raised in the christian faith. At a young age I was baptized into the faith. I never stopped claiming the faith. But I did not live it.

My life is a story of miracles of God saving me from myself. I cannot in this bio cover everything, as such this is a broad stroke of my life. But I hope this testimony encourages others.

I was born on a Monday. With the umbilical cord around my neck twice. I should have died. I didn't. Instead in 10 minutes thanks to God, a hard working doctor, and a grandmother's prayers I was a normal healthy baby.

I was told I was a happy baby too. Yet early on in my life, I suffered from depression. Suicidal thoughts would plague me, for most of my life. This was the first of many temptations of Satan that God would eventually save me from.

Shortly after I got baptized (when I was 10-12) I awoke one night to pale light in my room. I heard a voice in the distance wailing, "Why hast thou forsaken me?" I ran to my grandmother's room. Her room was pitch black. She calmed me down and reminded me Jesus said those words on the cross. (Matt 27:46, Mark 15:34) At the time this was reassuring. When I returned to my room, I sang songs of praise, and though I do not remember it, my grandmother in a letter reminded me; that I had heard voices sing with me. (I told her the next morning.) Yet over time in my mind it stuck, that somehow I had forsaken God.

Even something so supernatural did not have a lasting effect on the course of my life. I went to private Christian school from 7th grade to 3 years of college. During that time I became a worldly Christian. I watched Hollywood movies, I played video games, I listened to all manner of music even heavy metal, I became addicted to porn.

Outwardly I was a normal Christian: I went to church. I would discuss religious things with people if they felt so inclined. I only worked 6 days a week, and would not work the 7th. I even went on a mission trip halfway around the world. But other than my porn addiction I felt no guilt for my worldly life.

While I was in college my grandmother died. I was bitter at God for taking her. Told him, I hated him. Unsurprisingly after college my spiritual walk, which was already dying, continued to fall. Now I took up sins more publicly but in "moderation"; I drank booze, I would curse like a sailor, I would work 7 days a week.

Yet again only my more dark sins bothered me. I was now a truck driver. I made solid income, I had a few close friends, and I was completely, contentedly, miserable. My prayer life mostly consisted of saying, "God I know I am a mess but please just don't give up on me yet."  The rest of the time I just lived my life. To the outside I probably seemed normal.

In all this God did not give up on me. I finally moved in with my aunt & uncle. Honest devout christians. They preached no sermon to me except my choice of rock music, and not allowing me to cook meat in their home. By this point I would eat anything you set in front of me. Yet it was here I ate healthy meals, I participated in morning and evening worship. 

So one day, a major turning point came. I was sitting in my room playing video games. I was contemplating what was going to happen to my life. When a thought entered, "Give up your video games." I didn't question it was from God. But I was angry. Video games were how I coped with the world. I wasn't doing worse things when I played video games. They were my "safe" addiction.

I stood up and told the voice, "show me in the Bible where it says, 'thou shalt not play video games, I will wait!" The voice could have pointed me to Philipians 4:8. But instead it simply repeated the command. "Give up your video games." So in frustration I stated simply, "fine, I will have so much free time I won't know what to do and all my addictions will destroy me, I'll prove you wrong." I deleted all my video games, when another voice said, "That is good enough."  I retorted, "No, I want to ride this all the way to the end."  I locked out my steam account (video gaming platform) so I could never get back in. I wanted to ride it all the way to the bottom.

Instead I had started my first step up. God had just rescued me from myself, and video game addiction. I have by his grace never played another game. From here the battle began in earnest but amazingly God had grace on me. I felt impressed if I was to give up video games; was there other stuff I should let out of my life? I turned to my aunt and uncle. We looked at my worldly possessions and they pointed out things with pagan connections that would give demons free reign in my life.

Ironically one was a Buddha statue I had gotten on that mission trip, so long ago. The devil has a better missionary spirit than most christians. I trashed and burned all my pagan junk, and my worldly entertainment. Movies, books, memorabilia, etc; it was all destroyed, just like the christians in Acts 19:19. Here God rescued me from all these traps of the world that distract us from him.

Now what?

I started to read my Bible and to pray. This is the foundation of a real relationship with God. You listen to what he has to say; and you tell him your thoughts and feelings. I found that things of God that were always boring before became my focus. I loved to read his word, to talk to him. Like a real friend.

It was a struggle at first but those worldly interests I had went away.  Guess what? Those other addictions I was fighting like porn? I finally gained that victory; once I let go of my worldly entertainment. 2/0 God was winning me.

Soon I realized that was not enough however. I needed to do something more. Witness! “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. ” Mark 16:15 That means every person, as God's Providence allows. I began to hand out literature as this was a non intrusive way to share, they say no, you say ok have a nice day. I had amazing experiences doing this.

But I knew God called me to do more. What that looks like; I am still learning. But God is faithful, giving me varied ways & opportunities of witnessing for Him. (Maybe an article for another time.) That is why I was led to start A Standard Ministry. 

I am merely a Steward, of whatever His grace gives into my hands. I am not perfect, but I believe this with all my heart. Jesus is coming soon! Today is the day of Salvation! We must seek HIM now while He can be found.

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. ” Revelation 3:20

Won't you open the door to him today?

I can say from experience His ways are always better than our own.